My Therapy Journey // What I learned from my first three months of counseling

Since I’ve been going to therapy for the past three months, I wanted to share some of my tips, tricks, and experiences with my therapist.

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POETRY BOOK REVIEW: ‘Matters of the Heart’ by DNA Publishing Group

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Going to therapy so far has been the most eye-opening, interesting, world-building experience for me. Before, I had a habit of avoiding my mental problems or pretending that I was fine, while knowing in the back of my mind I wasn’t. I finally decided to take a leap of faith and give counseling a shot, especially with the pandemic going on. Plus, I was going through a career change and family transitions, and those took a toll on me, internally. I realized that therapy is another useful tool for people to use to help build yourself back up. It’s not only useful for trauma or PTSD or abusive relationships and friendships. It’s even more helpful for daily life changes.

I’d always turned away from starting therapy because I never knew where to start. As I was scrolling on Instagram, I found Therapy for Black Girls back in October 2020. They are an online resource for Black women and Women of Color to find therapy and counseling resources. I’d heard of them before I started my therapy journey. But this was the first time I’d actively used their website. Luckily I have insurance, so I based my therapist search based on if my insurance could cover session costs.

Once I found a local center that took my insurance, I emailed three therapists. The first two therapists were unavailable or too expensive for me. The second therapist transferred me to The Center for Therapy and Counseling Services. I had to fill out a contact form to connect me to the right therapist specified for my needs. Anxiety, depression, low self-esteem and low confidence are crucial issues I wanted to tackle with my therapist.. I also thought it was best to work with a Black, female therapist. As a young Black woman, I wanted to feel connected to someone who fully understood what I was going through.

Therapy helps utilize your emotional closet and space

In one past session, my therapist and I had discussed the concept of using a closet for emotional growth. I have a habit of not letting go of things that may not necessarily fit me. She had thought of how rearranging your physical closet is a metaphor for rearranging yourself emotionally. Get rid of the clutter and old stuff, deflections, harmful self-talk, and replace it with productive self-talk, and positivity. She also gave me the tip, “The next time you have an anxious thought, ask yourself, ‘Do I want to keep it or take ownership and grow with it?'” With that in mind, I had an easier time rearranging my emotions and thoughts, as well as my actual closet.

Therapy keeps your inner dialogue in check

Another method we’d used together helped with how I use my inner dialogue. I tend to be very hard on myself. I don’t give myself credit for the steps I’ve taken to improve my life. She suggested for me to talk to different parts of myself, and figure out why they enter my space. Additionally, I am prone to use a “baby voice” when I talk; it’s not like I do it on purpose. I know I do it as a coping mechanism. But it’s more for me to keep the child in me alive while I grow up. But it’s also a method for my hopes, dreams, passions and desires. And then there’s the negative side of me, where it turns into anxiety and depressive moments. Finding that middle-ground in between both sides of myself is what I need the most work on.

Family is what you make of it in therapy

Family is everything to me, even if my family members are all spread out. My mother and I live in NJ; dad is in FL; sister and her family are in TX, and I have some other family members in NY and other states. I never grew up in a tight-knit family unit. It was always with one side or the other, and it’s caused this weird push-and-pull in my family life. But then I realized that family is what you make of it. You can have a group of friends, one good friend, a blend of family and friends. As long as everyone loves and supports each other.

When I have my own family, everyone can have a set foundation to come back to. My husband and kids will have the most comfortable space to be themselves. I’d spent majority of my childhood and teen years walking on eggshells around certain people.

Going to therapy has taught me more about being capable of taking care of myself, for myself.

Here are some other resources and accounts I follow for mental health and therapy and self-care:

We the Urban: I find their posts on Instagram to be very flashy, but needed. They need to be in your face so when you read through the slides, you get to see a deeper message about yourself.

Therapy for Black Girls Podcast: I haven’t listened to their podcast in a while, but I remember them. What was really helpful were the guest mental health professionals who would offer their advice and resources.

Slay Girl Slay: My niece Aniya showed me this podcast a few months ago, and it’s really admirable to see how media can influence the younger generation into becoming the best version of themselves. Creator Ashley Leggs knows how to use her experiences as a #BOSS to inspire other creatives to put their best foot forward to their highest potential. She also knows how to talk about topics that may hurt, but are necessary for the listener to dig deep and find themselves.

No Lies Detected: Hosts Meghan Tonjes and Mishal Moore know how to drag, read, give you a hug, cry with you, and wish you well all in the same time! I have listened to almost every episode, all the way from season one, and it never fails to both make me laugh and open my mind. They’re both heavily into astrology, spiritualism and energy, which gives me a better understanding of how my Pisces ass works! If you need advice from the real truth about yourself, go to Meghan and Mishal, because they are the real deal.

Professional Troublemaker with Luvvie Ajayi Jones: I’ve been rocking with Luvvie since her Awesomely Luvvie days back in 2009, with her Scandal and How to Get Away with Murder reviews. Now that she’s branched off into writing bestselling books and creating podcasts, she’s influenced me as a writer to continue on with my journey. Originally named Rants & Randomness, Professional Troublemaker rebranded to provide a motivational space for Black creatives. The coolest part of the show is inviting some of her famous friends, which gives makes it even more exciting to listen in!

I know that people say this all the time, but if you are going through something or need a shoulder to lean on, just know there is help out there. You are not alone.

Thanks for reading!