Since I have a few days off from work, I have more time to participate in Bookending Winter again! Today is my Self-Care Sunday, so it’s my day out of the week to relax, reflect my week, re-examine my goals, add new ones, take some away, and work on myself to be a better person.

If you don’t know what Bookending Winter 2020 is, visit my introductory post here. To follow the rest of my posts for this event, visit the BE Winter 2020 label here.

Sumedha @ The Wordy Habitat continues her hosting segment with her prompt:

Sunday 13th December

Prompt Title: Positive 2020 Reflections

Prompt Explanation: 2020 has not been easy but we should take some time to find positives everywhere because it helps us move on easily. Take today to talk about the highlights that made this year bearable.

2020 has been a roller-coaster of emotions, changes, transitions, and more. It’s been a year of the four-month pause (aka the lockdown/stuck in quarantine), my nieces now living with me and my mom, my transition from my 4-year-old shitty tired, exhausting retail job at Burlington, to my three-day-old new flow into working in a library 3 times a week. It’s been a year of reflection, inner work, therapy, and recognizing toxic habits and behaviors. It’s also the first time I’m starting therapy back in November; I’ve had 3 sessions so far.

Ok so for starters, the lockdown earlier this year made me finally sit down with myself while being more open-minded. For so long, I was used to living with just me and my mom. Mom went to work; I went to school/work. And it was manageable. Now, I’m managing how to navigate being home with two extra people, which is a lot for an introvert like me. It’s oddly comforting too, because before them, I never used to go out much. I’d hung out and talked to my friends sometimes, but that was it. Now, since the city has opened back up, I’ve been out more times, mostly to dinners and day trips with my nieces and their friends. I’m lucky I look super young for my age, because otherwise I’d find it weird to be hanging out with younger people. But it’s good that I have them around more.

I said to a former coworker earlier this year at my old job, “Come Christmastime, I do not want to work here anymore.”  And now I’m not! But let’s back up for a bit. I’d been at Burlington Stores for 4 years, unhappy, miserable, comfortable, not growing, not learning, not being my best self, no happiness. And one day, I saw an ad for LibraryLinkNJ’s job application for part-time library associate, and I got the job! Within 2 weeks, I had to sign off, hand in my badge, say goodbye to my coworker friends, and collect all of the favorite songs from the radio station into a playlist. It’s funny, looking back at this time last year, I was still in the same job I was sick of, and had to spend Christmas Eve and Day in the hospital due to me passing out in the middle of the store floor. Yeah, it was that bad!! And from then on, I knew I had to leave. Now that I’m finally out and in a field that I’m happy to be in, I’ve learned to take things day by day, and enjoy the peace of this new experience.

Starting therapy has been a very thrilling, eye-opening experience. I didn’t realize that I hadn’t processed my emotions from the past 26-27 years of my life, basically my whole life. There’s always some part of myself that I’ve had to unpack and analyze. My therapist has been wonderful, and so nice and helpful into learning more about myself and what I want my life to look like. At first, I was so nervous because I had never done therapy before, like ever! But what had finally got me to do it was me feeling tired of feeling the same way all the time. I never let myself feel and be more than what I had thought I had to be. And who I was surrounding myself around with wasn’t helping either. So I’d finally decided enough was enough, and here we are, almost a month later. It’s still a process to digest every session and learn from it, but at least I am doing way better.

I know 2020 isn’t over yet, but I’m actually excited and curious to see what 2021 brings.

Comment below! What are some of your positive 2020 reflections?

 

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